Do you ever get the feeling that there is something coming that has such a finality to it?
I know something is coming- just not when, what, who, how or why. But for some reason, I don’t think knowing any of that will prevent it or make it easier.
And It’s All Just A Little Bit Of History Repeating July 6, 2008
It’s funny how things happen. You grow some gonads and you tell someone the deal. You then ask them if they are getting back with an ex. They avoid actually answering the question. You know by the lack of confirmation it’s true but say nothing.
You then run into the ex (this being the one who hit me in the face) because there are mutual friends. You be a bigger person and apologize. Instead of being hit in the face with a hand and first, you are hit with words and things you never cared to hear. You knew deep down what was going on but you didn’t need it confirmed, especially by her. So you suck it up and keep talking to her for civility’s sake. You see him and say “I knew. But I wanted you to tell me. You didn’t have to lie.” He says “Believe what you want. I was telling you the truth.”
Funny enough George left me for an ex and now Sean. Well, technically not Sean. I talked to him and ended it and was told that “he was planning on talking to me”. Yea, probably on the fifth of never.
History loves to repeat itself.
It’s Not Me… July 5, 2008
…it’s you.
A bit harsh? Maybe. The truth? Definitely.
I was really hoping for things between Sean and I to work out but it has become very apparent in the past few days that he really doesn’t care. That this is an island relationship. Yesterday morning after trying to give him some space for two days, he invited me for breakfast. I thought to myself “Hey, this is probably a good thing”. We had breakfast and sat in comfortable silence for a good portion of it. The I said what I needed to say.
Leigh: “Do you know why I started traveling Sean?”
Sean: “No, why? Should I?”
Leigh: “No. I was just wondering if I had ever told you. *pause* I started traveling because I got fucked up. I had my heart broken into a billion little pieces and I left home because I could not deal with being there around him all the time. *pause* If this isn’t working for you, than tell me. I’m a big girl. I can handle it. But I’d rather know now that somewhere down the line.”
Sean: *almost blank, yet contemplative stare accompanied by silence and glances at the T.V.*
Leigh: “This would be an awesome segway for you to tell me that it’s not working for you if it isn’t”
Sean: *almost blank, yet contemplative stare accompanied by silence and glances at the T.V.*
Leigh: “Ready to go?”
Sean: “Yep”
So, me being me, I assume that he’s okay with everything and there’s no problem. I mean, I don’t know if I could have made it any easier for him to end it if that’s what he wanted. The bar got closed yesterday and while we were upstairs saying good bye and cleaning it up, I told him that I didn’t know what I was going to do once I finished my DMT. He simply replied to continue on to where I was going to go originally. Then we got into how I’m such a backpacker and how I messed up going to certain places because of season.
Now, I wish that all of that was it. But there is some nice, bitter icing for this wonderful cake of crap. His ex-girlfriend that he was with for three years showed up on the island yesterday. He didn’t know she was coming. She didn’t know he was here. They were one of those on-again/off-again relationships that apparently was attempted numerous times and always failed. She came with her boyfriend. So Scott and I were just going to spend the night in, maybe grab some pizza and watch some T.V. He comes home from work and I’m talking about maybe a few of us going out for just a few drinks when Sean says that he’s busy. He informed me that he was going to dinner with the ex. I also later found out that afterwards he was with the ex from home and the ex that punched me in the face.
By this point in time, I was drunk off my ass and actually made the responsible decision to go home and just not see him so that I wouldn’t say anything stupid. Now I am sober. He didn’t come home last night. So the instructor who can’t dive due to a sinus infection, ear infection and joint pain somehow ended up diving this morning, even though he told me to get someone else to finish my course because he can’t dive. Oh, and the ex was definitely on the boat.
So you know what? It’s not me, it’s him.
So I Got In A Chick Fight… June 12, 2008
Alright, let me put it this way: I’m a lover, not a fighter. I’m a crappy blogger because the internet is so slow and I don’t want to waste time waiting for it and I love diving.
So my instructor and my boss at the bar I’m working at, he and I are good friends. We’re at the bar one night and we were both leaving to home when we decided to hit the bar next door for another drink. We’re sitting there all cool talking about being executors of our parents wills of all things when his crazy ex girlfriend comes up behind me screaming and hits me in the face. She proceeds to call me horrible untrue things when she hits me in the nose. Me, being me, I do nothing. The guy I’m talking with pulls her away as she proceeds to freak out at him. Apparently, she had it in her head that he and I were together, which we weren’t. Did I mention that she has refused to move out of his apartment?
So as she is yelling and what not, she somehow decides that it would be wickedly awesome to punch me in the back of the head while I’m taking a sip of my very tasty and very free rum and coke. I wave the bartender over and told him very nicely that she hit me again. This is when I find out that she was an ex employee of this bar, that they fired and and they had kept her out of jail once before for assault. Interesing shit.
Fast forward to the next day with my buddy apologizing to me over what happened and me jokingly saying something along the lines of “well we’ve already been accused of it. Want to hook up baby?” in my ever so sexy, not so serious voice. That night we kissed. And a week later we’re still whatever we are.
Last night at one of the bars I ran into The Dentist and started chatting to him. In the three minutes I left Instructor at the bar, psycho swooped in to take my seat. So I decided I was too old for highschool and left the bar letting my other friends know which bar I’d be at. I chilled there for an hour before deciding I wanted to go to bed. I started walking and ran into my roomie and asked for the keys when Instructor and psycho went past us on a bike. After everything that’s gone on since September in my life, this ended up being the small grain of sand that sent me into an emotional mess. My buddy was super awesome an did everything a friend should do and more. Then Instructor showed up to talk to Roomie and left. Me, being me, went after him and asked what the deal was. It was obvious that he was upset and this was apparently his grain of sand. So we went back to my place to talk when pyscho decides to stalk past the (fenced in-thank goodness) property. Instructor decides he’s not going home to deal with that shit and crashes on the couch.
All seems to be well and he wants to go somewhere cool together during our 72-hour-have-to-leave-to-renew-visa time. No getting my hopes up, but just maybe…
Can’t Sleep April 14, 2008
I’m too anxious. My flight leaves in 7 hours. I’ll sleep on the plane.
By the way, there was something George said this weekend that I forgot to mention earlier. He doesn’t want to hold me back. He wants me to experience life. He said he was going to worry about me and wonder where I am and what I’m doing. And that he’ll be thinking about me. I’m the best and greatest girl he’s ever met. And that he’ll be there when I get back.
Could this mean he was a jackass after Christmas and a few weeks ago because *he* doesn’t want to get hurt? Hmmm…just as some suspected…
